Random joke from this category
A college professor in an anatomy class asked his students to sketch a naked man. As the professor walked around the class checking the sketches he noticed that a sexy young coed had sketched the man with an erect penis. The professor commented, "Oh, no, I wanted it the other way." She replied, "What other way?"
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
→ Slow down and use a lubricant.
What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
→ Money.
What's the difference between your wife and your job?
→ After five years your job will still suck.
How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
→ It's not hard.
Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
→ The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
→ She is the one who can eat the last donut!
What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
→ One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year!
Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
→ Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked:
- Do you talk to your husband when you're making love?
She thought about it a minute then said:
- Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.
On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local brothel and the madam said:
- You'll have to wait.
- But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now.
- Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs.
- Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room.
So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. But it's a very cold night, and they freeze to death and fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over, staggers to the door, and knocks.
- Go away! - says the madam.
- We don't allow drunks in here!
- I don't want in - says the drunk.
- I just wanted to tell you that your sign fell down.
How are lawyers like sperm?
→ One out of a million turns out to be a human being.
On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?
→ Instead of staring at the bikinis, he's staring at the beach balls.
While making love to his wife, Carl discovered he couldn't enjoy it. Though they had been married only a few years, he reflected unhappily, their love-making had become infrequent and bland. Then quite suddenly, alarmed, he said:
- What happened, did I hurt you ?
"Why no, not at all," said his surprised wife. "Whatever made you ask that ?"
"Well, no reason actually," the bored husband replied with a sigh, "It's just that for a moment there, I thought you actually moved."
How do you get a horny dog to stop humping on your leg?
→ Pick him up and start sucking his dick.
The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex.
- Oh - he mused - It was 1945.
- Isn't that a long time to go without sex? - the doctor asked.
- I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13.
These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing, and one sperm asks the other...
- Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube???
- Naaaa, this is still the esophagus.
