School — most viewed jokes

The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described.

- Teacher: The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.

- Timmy: I know what it is, it's an apple.

- Teacher: That's right, I like the way you're thinking. OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it.

- Christopher: I know what it is, it's an orange.

- Teacher: That's right, I like the way you're thinking.

- Johnny: Can I try, Teacher?

- Teacher: Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!

Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a second, and says:

- Johnny: My object is round, hard, and has a head on it.

- Teacher: Alright Johnny, go to the office!

- Johnny: No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!

- Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet.

- Andy: Did she lose weight?

- Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?" Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "Nothing. He's an economist."

A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan.

She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too.

Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they're Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, ...named Josh.

The teacher looks at Josh and says, "Josh, you're not a Lakers fan?"

He says, "Nope, Im a Sacrmento Kings fan!"

She says, "Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?"

Josh says, "Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan."

The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!"

Josh says, "Then I'd be a Laker fan!"

If you do some acrobatics with a little mathematics it will take you far along. If your idea's not defensible don't make it comprehensible or folks will find you out, and your work will draw attention if you only fail to mention what the whole thing is about. Your must talk of GNP and of elasticity of rates of substitution and undeterminate solution and oligonopopsony.

During my college days i went to participate slow bicycle race competetion, I came first in the competetion, when i went to claim my trophy, my principal kicked me out from his office saying that the trophy goes to the person who came in the last, because its SLOW BICYCLE RACE.

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"

"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"

What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?
→ Drool.

What is the difference between a hockey game and a High School reunion?
→ At a hockey game you see fast pucks.

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."