Religion — most viewed jokes

A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy's mind, sat him and said:
"God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"

Can u believe what people do in the church these days? I was in the church listening to the priest's sermon when i saw a guy smoking cigarettes inside the church. I was so amazed that i didn't know when the bottle of beer i was holding fell on the floor.

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven.
"Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked.
"I could eat," said Seymour.
The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it.
While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka.
The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat."
Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates.
The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened.
Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand."
"To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"

Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar.
The catholic florist - $ 300. "Too expensive" moans the priest.
The protestant florist - $ 250, "No, it would not be right to buy at another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small." But lo! Solly Goldberg - $ 75!!!
Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the contract.
On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last reservations are discarded.
When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription:
"Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same."

- Papa, who was Hamlet?

- You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was.

Who did the breeder call when his horse was possessed by an evil spirit?
→ An exhorsist!

What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
→ A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand.

"Mommy, what happened to him?" the little boy asked. "He died and went to heaven," she replied.

The child thought for a moment and said, "And God threw him back down?"

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers!"

Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper.

"Gladly," responded the good man.

When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column. There he read:
"The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."