Redneck Jokes — most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the hillbilly who asked his friends to give him their burnt-out light bulbs. He wanted to start a dark room.

Melburn was strolling along downtown Natchez with a framed picture under his arm. "Hey, what yew got there?" asked a neighbor. "I dunno much 'bout art," replied Melburn, "but Ah just bought me an original Michelangelo for two hundred dollars! It's one of the few he ever did in ballpoint!"

Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
→ The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

What does a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
→ Somebody's gonna lose a trailer!

You might be a redneck if...
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Young Vestal was walking in his Florida backyard when an alligator bit him.

"Mama!" yelled the boy. "A gator jus' bit off mah foot!"

"Which one?" called his mother from inside the cabin.

"How the hell should Ah know?!" he shrieked. "They all look alike to me!"

• You recycle your own toilet paper
• Your mom has to shave more times a month than your dad
• You see a bill board that says "Don't do crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
• You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "concentrate."
• Your bumper sticker reads: "One more Whore and We Get Gore."
• The nativity scene you set up in your yard at Christmas includes two pink flamingos and baby Jesus lying in a painted tire.
• Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.
• You hunt from your bedroom window.
• Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
• You refrigerate your food stamps.
• You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.
• You have ever dressed your child as a "Snot-rag" for Halloween.
• Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.
• You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.
• You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen "sprinkles" on your cone.
• You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.
• You're always looking to find your Mother-in-Law's picture on the back of a milk carton!
• The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D."..and you respond "About whut?"
• You take a beer to a job interview.
• You are caught roll'n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.
• When you finish eatin' your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.
• You go to Goodwill to meet women.
• You and your friends are putting an engine in a pickup, drinking beer, and the conversation is: Which county jail has the best food!

"Mah son's real smart!" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. "He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"

"What's his name?" asked the friend.

"Bob."

Kennen was having a drink in a saloon when his neighbor, Stakely, came rushing in.

"Ah think somebody's stealin' yore pickup truck!" the man said breathlessly.

Kennan ran outside, but came back right away.

"Well, did yew stop him?" asked Stakely.

"Naw!" said the redneck. "He was too fast. But Ah got his license plate before he got away!"

Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner,

"Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?"

"Whada ya win?"

"A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years."

"How much are they each?"

"Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"