Mom/Dad Jokes — most viewed jokes

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb.

About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing. Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, "Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?"

- Father: I want to take my girl out of this terrible math class.

- Teacher: But she's top of the class.

- Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.

- Dad, do you believe in Buddha?

- Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good.

Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
→ He wasn't what he was cracked up to be!

- My new baby is the image of his father.

- Never mind. just so long as he's healthy.

A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview. He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said 'Kevin'.

'Right', he said, 'what about that blond one over there?'

'Kevin', she said.

'Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?'

'Kevin', she said.

'Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?'

'Kevin', she said.

'Are all your boys called Kevin?' he asked, 'isn't that terribly complicated?'

'Not at all', she said, 'it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Kevin, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Kevin, it's time for bed!, they all go to bed.'

'I see. But what if you want only one of them?'

'No problem.' she answers. 'Then I call them by their surnames.'

- Mum, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?

- No, dear, what?

- A nice teapot.

- But I've got a nice teapot.

- No you haven't. I've just dropped it.

Mum caught little Johnny jerking his meat off one day.

She told him - "Johnny dearest, good boys save it till they're 18."

Johnny did. And by 18, he had 11 jars full!

Tad looked up from the book on ancient history he was reading and asked his father, "Pop, what's a millennium?"

"Well," he muttered, "I think it's something like a centennial, only it has more legs!"

What did the mother ghost tell the kid ghost when he went out to play?
→ "Don't get your sheets dirty!"