Military Jokes — most viewed jokes

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?
→ Two. One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson and music books.

Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and through the front door.
"Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here. Let me look at you. Let me hold you! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovin' so much."

The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica."

Why did Rudolfo salute the box of Cornflakes in the supermarket?
→ Because the label said General Foods.

Why did the python do national service?
→ He was coiled up!

Why did the Romans build straight roads?
→ So their soldiers didn't go around the bend!

A patrol of allied soldiers were in a ruined city during World War Two. They are bragging and joshing about how many kills they have so far to keep up courage on their route through the rubbled buildings.

Sergeant Joe thumps his chest and proclaims. "I got me 4 germans bagged so far. Howabout you John?"

Before Pfc John can reply, a lone german soldier runs out of a trashed hotel. In the process of throwing down his rifle after seeing the larger allied soldier group, he shouts "NEIN!"

Pfc John takes aim at the enemy and shoots him.

"Well, he wont get himself a tenth allied soldier." Joe all year long!

Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.

The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".

The Army will post guards around the place.

The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.

The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

How do you stop a Polish army on horseback?
→ Turn off the carousel.

A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant:

- I can't drink from this mug. It has no opening.

The sergeant examines the mug and says:

- You are right. And besides this, it has no bottom.