Men Jokes — most viewed jokes

Men are like power tools.
They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.

Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

What's the best way to kill a man?
→ Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

One day some guys were doing a survey between "boxers" or "briefs".

They went to a 25 year old man and said "boxers" or "briefs"? He said briefs.

They went to a 40 year old man and said "boxers" or "briefs"? He said boxers.

Then they went up to a 80 year old man and said "boxers" or "briefs"? And the old man replied - "depends?"

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English, these words were of neutral gender.

Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Why do little boys whine?
→ Because they're practicing to be men.

A woman was cutting her husband's thinning hair, when their teenage son arrived home looking for a snack.

She offered a kiwifruit and tried to tempt him with its nutritious qualities. "It has more vitamin C than an orange," she remarked.

"And more hair than Dad," added their son.

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
→ Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

What's the difference between a mans paycheck and his dick?
→ He can always find a girl to blow his paycheck!

A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?"
"No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male."