Marriage Jokes — most viewed jokes

A person receives a telegram informing about his mother-in-law's death.

It also enquires him whether she should be buried or cremated.

He replies, "Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes!"

Sign seen in a small restaurant:

Thanks for visiting. If you liked the food, send your friends. Otherwise, send your mother-in-law.

A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting.

Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My god! It's already three P.M. I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry.

At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. . . .

- He: I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today

- She: But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear.

- He: OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?

- She: Well, the air bag works...

'Here's a good book,' said the sales assistant in the book shop to Mrs Monster. 'How To Help Your Husband Get Ahead.'

'No, thank you,' said Mrs Monster. 'My husband's got two heads already. . .'

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
→ A widow.

A man is incomplete until he is married.

After that, he's finished.

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
→ Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
→ Tell her she's pregnant.

What will she ask you?
→ "Is it mine?"

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: "You're what?!?"