Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

The Barber of Seville by Aaron Floor

Why did the chicken say, "Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?"
→ He was studying foreign languages.

Insensitive Term - Preferred Term

ETHNICITY

PC people do not recognize the term, "race," as valid

• Black- African-Canadian, (NOTE: DOES NOT INCLUDE: LIBYANS, EGYPTIANS, WHITE South AFRICANS. DOES INCLUDE: PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN REGARDLESS OF WHERE THEY ARE FROM OR WHERE THEY LIVE.)
• Oriental- Asian-Canadian (Note: Not Considered "REAL" Minorities since they tend to do well)
• Indian- Native-Canadian (NOTE: The following terms are no PC: Atlanta Braves, Cleveland Indians, Kansas City Chiefs, Washington Redskins, (Avoid these cities!)
• Chicano -Hispanic (NOTE: THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT PC: Cheech and Chong, Chico and the Man episodes, Cisco Kid, Rosarita Salsa, Speedy Gonzales, AVOID! AVOID!)
• White Trash-PC Unaware, Rustically Inclined
• WASP (white male)-insensitive Cultural Oppressor (ICO)

GENDER

(PC people don't like the word "sex" as it has confusing connotations)

• Woman- Womyn; Vaginal-Canadian
• Girl-Pre-Womyn
• Housewife-Domestic Engineer
• Fireman-Firefighter
• Stewardess-Flight Attendant
• Meter Maid-Parking Enforcement Adjudicator
• Post Man-Post Person Mail Man Person Person
• Policeman-Law Enforcement Officer; Baton Boy Cal. Clubber
• Prostitute-Sex Surrogate (Teen Victim. See: Broken Home)
• Mankind/Human-Earth Children
• Handicapped-Physically Challenged Differently Abled Handi-Capable
• Blind-Optically Darker Photonically Non-receptive
• Deaf-Visually Oriented
• Poor-Economically Unprepared
• Bum-Homeless Person Displaced Homeowner
• Hunter-Animal Assassin Meat Mercenary Bambi Butcher
• Whaler-Blubber Lovers
• Old Person /Elderly-4th-Dimentionally Extended Gerontologically Advanced
• Conservative-Right Wing Extremist Fascist Pig
• Drug Addict-Chemically Challenged
• Bald-Comb-Free
• Bisexual-Sexually Non-preferential
• Midget, Dwarf-Little People, Vertically Challenged
• Convict-Socially Separated
• Insane People-Selectively Perceptive Mental Explorers
• Learning Disability-Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
• Tree-Hugger-Environmental Activist
• Logger-Wood Weasel, Paper Pirate, Treeslayer
• Dead People-Dysfunctional Earth Children Biologically Challenged Metaphysically Challenged
• Broken Home-Dysfunctional Family
• HouseBroken-Family Dysfunction
• Cattle Ranch-Cattle Concentration Camp (CCC) "Moo-shwitz"
• Senile Bag o'Bones-Alzheimer's Victim
• Ghetto/Barrio-(EHA) Ethnically Homogenous Area
• Pre-Integrated Pre-Nirvana
• Hamburger-Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh (SMAF)
• Cheeseburger-Adding Insult to Injury
• Cheating (in School)-Academic Dishonesty
• Used Books-Recycled Books
• Trees-Oxygen Exchange Units
• Gang-Youth Group
• Slum-(EOZ) Economic Oppression Zone
• Obese- People of Mass Gravitationally Challenged
• Delicatessen- Corpse Farm Charnel House

"I gotta 'A' in spelling," Tony told his father.
"You dope!" he replied. "There isn't any 'A' in 'spelling'!"

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bosnia

- Bosnia who?

- Bosnia bell here earlier!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bettina

- Bettina who?

- Bettina minute you'll open this door!

Why don't vikings send e-mails?
→ They prefer to use Norse code.

The Joys of Hitch-hiking by Marsha Long

A group of Texas A&M Aggies and a group of Harvard students had been deadlocked in a spelling bee for an entire week. At the end of the contest the score was tied and the judges had a dilemma. They told the contestants that each group was to quickly come up with a poem using the word 'Timbuktu.' Well the Aggies started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard just smiled and prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood up and for his group recited 'Through the desert all night we ride on camels walking two by two, Destination Timbuktu.' Well the crowd politely applauded - they knew the Aggies couldnt beat that and the Aggies just continued laughing throughout the whole process. One Aggie stopped giggling long enough to stand and read the team's effort. He said, 'Tim and I, a hunting went, we came upon three women in a tent. Since they were three and we were two, I buk one and Timbuktu!'

An English professor wrote the words, "woman without her man is a savage" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is a savage."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is a savage."