Random joke from this category
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?"
After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
NEW LANGUAGES BEING TAUGHT IN AMERICA
What did one casket say to the other?
→ Was that you coffin?
How do you get holy water?
→ Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
→ "Dam!"
What do prisoners use to call each other?
→ Cell phones
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
→ A stick
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
→ Nacho cheese
What do you get from a pampered cow?
→ Spoiled milk
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
→ Frostbite
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
→ A pool table.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
→ They're trying to get away from the noise.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
→ The taste.
What is a polygon?
→ A dead parrot.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
→ Take away its credit cards.
What's the difference between boogers and spinach?
→ You can't get kids to eat spinach.
What did the horse say when he fell?
→ I've fallen and I can't giddy up!
What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?
→ A private tutor.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
→ A bulldozer.
What do you call a blind deer?
→ No eye deer?
What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
→ Still no eye deer?
What goes tick tick woof woof?
→ A watch dog.
Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?
→ You can see right through him.
What goes vroom screech vroom screech vroom screech?
→ A blonde going through a blinking red light.
Why do farts smell?
→ So deaf people can enjoy them too.
These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery, Hundreds Dead
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
What kind of noise annoys an oyster?
→ A noisy noise annoys an oyster! (Try saying that fast!)
What's the favourite flavour of sharks?
→ Shark-o-late!
What kind of ears do pumpers have?
→ Engineers.
Is it ok to use my AM radio after NOON?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
→ A stick.
