Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why don't lobsters share?
→ They're shellfish.

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?
→ Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary breeze

A Doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the Doctor's drink waiting for him at precisely 5:03 PM. One afternoon, as the end of the workday approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The Doctor came in and took a sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"

"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender...

"It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

- Knock knock.

- Who's there?

- Owls.

- Owls who?

- That's right! Owls hoo!

What did Snow White say when the photographer said her photos were done?
→ I knew some day my prints would come!

- Knock Knock...

- Who's There?

- Boo...

- Boo Who?

- Stop crying it's just a joke!

A University of Georgia student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty co-ed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the line, "Where does you go to school?"

The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl, but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied.

The Georgia student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DOES YOU GO TO SCHOOL??"

Did you hear about the pub owner who raised a baby rabbit?
→ It was an inn-grown hare!

POLISH MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN

• artery - the study of fine painting
• barium - what you do when the patient dies
• beneign - what you are after you are eight
• cesarean section - a district in Rome
• colic - a sheep dog
• congenital - friendly
• dilate - to live long
• fester - quicker
• G.I. series - baseball game between soldiers
• hangnail - coat hook
• medical staff - a doctors cane
• minor operation - coal digger
• morbid - a higher offer
• nitrate - lower than the day rate
• node - was aware of
• organic - church musician
• out-patient - a person who has fainted
• post-operative - a letter carrier
• protein - in favor of young people
• secretion - hiding anything
• serology - study of English knighthood
• tablet - a small table
• tumor - an extra pair
• urine - opposite of your out
• varicose veins - veins very close together

CLASSIFIED ERRORS, from a small-town daily:

(Monday) FORE SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

(Tuesday) NOTICE - We regret having erred in R. D. Jone's ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap: 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 p.m.

(Wednesday) NOTICE - R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.

(Thursday) NOTICE - I, R. D. Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit.