Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why are felines the best ever animals?
→ Because they're purrrrrrrfect and grrrrrreat!

Did you hear about the Indian who drank 200 cups of tea?
→ He drowned in his TeePee!

- I'm sure I'm right.

- You're as right as rain - all wet!

An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem.
"Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench." He says.
He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Off in the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman and several small black children playing in the yard.

The Farmer yells to her "Hey Miss, do you happen to have Monkey Wrench?"

"What?" She yells back.

"A Monkey Wrench!!?" He screams.

"What?"

"MONKEY WRENCH!!?...

MONKEY WRENCH!!?"

"Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!"

Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?
→ Because their daddies were mummies.

Daffynition: Hummingbird - A bird who forgot the lines to a song!

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays.

After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate.

He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?"

The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

- School Doctor: Have you ever had trouble with appendicitis?

- Fred: Only when I tried to spell it.

What's the difference between a horse and the weather?
→ One is reined up and the other rains down.

What do Snowmen call their offspring?
→ Chill-dren.