Language Jokes — most viewed jokes

Silence is Golden by Xavier Brethe

If you're an American when you're out of the bathroom, what are you when you're IN the bathroom?
→ European! (You're a Peein')

And if you really gotta go bad?
→ Russian!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alec!

- Alec who?

- Alec-tricity. Isn't that a shock!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alec!

- Alec who?

- Alec my lolly!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Alex!

- Alex who?

- Alex the questions round here!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Adair!

- Adair who?

- Adair once but I'm bald now!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Adlai!

- Adlai who?

- Adlai a bet on that!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cricket

- Cricket who?

- Cricket neck means I can't lift anything!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Cellar

- Cellar who?

- Cellar. No, I think she can be repaired!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bruno

- Bruno who?

- Bruno more tea for me!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Butter!

- Butter who?

- Butter wrap up - it's cold out here!

A language instructor was explaining to her class that French nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. Things like 'chalk' or 'pencil,' she described, would have a gender association although in English, these words were of neutral gender.

Puzzled, one student raised his hand and asked, "What gender is a computer?"

The teacher wasn't certain which it was, and so divided the class into two groups and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. One group was composed of the women in the class, and the other of men. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

- Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of

- Pupil: Life imprisonment!

Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: "Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"