Random joke from this category
Little Freddie said to Little Johnny, "My dad's tougher than your dad!"
"Oh yeah?" said Little Johnny, "My dad is so tough, he has lightbulbs for dinner!"
"Really?"
"Yeah, the other night I heard him tell my mom, 'Turn out the light, I wanna eat it!'"
Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said: "Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?"
The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!"
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."
A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal.
Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint "what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night" she asked?
All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled "Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole"!
A little kid comes running into the backyard.
He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!"
"Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."
A boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. "What part?" the mother asked.
"I play a Jewish husband," the boy replied. "Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!"
A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
- Mother: What does the cow say?
- Child: Moo!
- Mother: Great! What does the cat say?
- Child: Meow.
- Mother: Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."
- Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
- Little Johnny: I get up early.
- Teacher: Little Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
- Little Johnny: Here it is!
- Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
- Class: Little Johnny!
A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins."
