Food Jokes — most viewed jokes

Cologne, May 27 dpa - The U.S. dollar is undervalued against the Deutsch-mark based on how many "Big Mac" hamburger sandwiches the two currencies can purchase, said one of Germany's leading institutes.

The Institute of the German Economy (IW) in Cologne noted that the popular sandwich by the McDonald's restaurant chain is increasingly being used by economists around the world as a measure of currencies' relative purchasing power.

The institute said that currency exchange rates are often unreliable as an instrument to measure purchasing power. At the same time, "baskets" of products used to arrive at comparative purchasing power are complicated to compile.

A simple alternative, now that McDonald's has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.

"A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain four Big Macs," the IW said.

Conclusion: based on the Big Mac index, the dollar is undervalued, the institute said.

Americans can get their best Big Mac buy these days in Moscow, where one sandwich costs only about 59 cents.

But Russians must "work nearly two days in order to afford this meaty capitalist achievement - longer than people in any other country", the IW said.

With more than twelve billion catalogs being mailed annually, it's little wonder that marketers are distributing mailing lists anywhere possible. In one particularly cruel move, the proprietors of a chocolate catalog purchased the mailing list of a weight-loss organization. Chocolate sales rose almost immediately, but the weight-loss group wised up and now keeps it clients' names to itself.

The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween Handouts

• Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.
• Teeth removing Taffy
• Metamucil in a straw
• Ex-Lax Brownies
• Caramel Covered Zucchini
• Colored Crisco on a Stick
• Hot steaming bowl of pumpkin guts
• Chocolate Covered Prunes
• A Handful of Red Man
• Anything that ticks!

You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.

A cucumber and a pickle were having a conversation. The pickle said to the cucumber, "I got it bad man, everytime I get big, fat and juicy I get seasoned and put in a jar."

The cucumber said to the pickle, "Well everytime I get big, fat and juicy I get chopped up and out over salad."

The penis walks by and overhears them and says, "I got it worse than you both. When I get big, fat and juicy I get put in a dark, smelly room and they make me do push-ups till I throw up."

I was in a good mood last week. I entered a competition and won a years supply of marmite.....one jar!

Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?
→ Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?
→ None. It just lets out a little wine.

You know you drink too much coffee when...

1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.
2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails.
3. You can jump-start your car without cables.
4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
5. You can't remember your second cup.
6. You have a picture of your coffeemug on your coffee mug.
7. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.
8. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
9. You don't sweat -- you percolate.
10. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.

Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's?
→ Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you... swear you'll never do it again.