Farming Jokes — most viewed jokes

"Tell me," said the hiker to the local farmer, "will this pathway take me to the main road?"
"No, sir," replied the farmer, "you'll have to go by yourself!"

What is the difference between a dressmaker and a farmer?
→ A dressmaker sews what she gathers, a farmer gathers what he sows.

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast.

The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation.
So he puts up a sign that reads: "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS CONTAINS CYANIDE!"

He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.

The farmer returns to the watermelon patch a week later to discover that none of the watermelons have been eaten, but finds another sign that reads: "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
→ Because they can't even keep two calves together!

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once?
→ I'm on the horns of a dilemma here!

Why are farmers cruel?
→ Because they pull corn by the ears.

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
→ They trod on his corn.

Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden?
→ We're raising mashed potatoes.

A farmer and his girlfriend were out for a stroll in the fields when they came across a cow and a calf rubbing noses.

"Boy," said the farmer, "that sure makes me want to do the same."

"Well, go ahead," said his girlfriend. "It's your cow."

A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California's apple country.

He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, "How much are yer apples?"

"All you can pick for one dollar," said the rancher.

"Okay," said the Pennsylvanian. "I'll take two dollars' worth."