Ethnic — most viewed jokes

Four Mexicans were in an open truck that had run into the lake.

The two in the front seat escaped unharmed, but the two in the back bed drowned - they couldn't get the tailgate open!

Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill.
Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"

"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big spinning thing here... No! There goes another one!"

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.
14. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
20. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
23. You read rather than scanned this list.

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."

But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.

Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.

"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.

The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me!'"

Confucious say:

• Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
• Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
• It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl!
• Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
• Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
• Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
• Man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.
• Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
• Baseball wrong--man with four balls cannot walk.
• Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
• Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
• Learn to masturbate--come in handy.
• Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock.
• Man who buy drowned cat must pay for wet pussy.
• Virgin like balloon--one prick, all gone.

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Simple...there was a piece of paper in his hand that said - 'put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

How many Osamas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ None. They don't have lightbulbs in caves

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
→ They had reservations.

What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican?
→ Oil of Ole'

The Chief Rabbi and the Pope are in a meeting in Rome. The Rabbi notices a fancy shmancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers. "What's that phone for?" he asks.

"It's my direct line to the Lord!" the Pope replies.

The Rabbi is doubtful, but the Pope insists that he tries it out and, indeed, he is connected to the Lord and chats away with Him for a while.

After he hangs up the Rabbi says. "Thank you very much. This is great! But listen, I want to pay for the charges I have used up." The Pope doesn't want to take the money, but finally gives in, checks the counter and says: Allright! The charge was 50,000 Lira.", which the Rabbi gladly pays.

A couple of weeks later, the Pope is in Jerusalem on an official visit. In the Rabbi's chambers he sees the identical phone he has with a direct line to the Lord. The Pope asks if he could use it, because there were some urgent matters he needed to consult with Him. The Rabbi gladly hands him the phone and the Pope chats away. After he hangs up, he says: "Now I also want to pay for my charges on your phone." The Rabbi looks on the counter and says: "1 Shekel 50!" The Pope looks surprised: "Why so cheap!" The Rabbi smiles: "Local call."