Ethnic — most viewed jokes

A tourist from the United States of America is at a resturant in Havana. He tells the waiter that the USA is the best country in the world because of the freedoms it has. He says, "Take Freedom of Speech for example. I could stand in front of the White House in Washington D.C. and yell 'President Clinton is a bastard!' and nothing would be done to me." The Cuban waiter replies, "We have that same freedom in Cuba. I could stand in front of El Capital and yell the same thing and nothing would be done to me too!"

Do you know why the baby Jesus wasn't born in Iowa?
→ They couldn't find three wise men!!!

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?
→ They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

What is the difference between Russian Optimist, Pessimist and Realist?
An Optimist learns German.
A Pessimist learns Chinese.
A Realist learns AK-47.

How many Ayatollahs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
→ None-there weren't any light bulbs in the 13th century.

An Australian, a Frenchman and an Italian are talking about married life.

- Italian: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in wine, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.

- Frenchman: When I finish making love to my wife, I cover her head to toe in chocolate, then lick it off, and my wife, she goes wild.

- Aussie: When I finish making love to my wife, I get out of bed and wipe my dick on the curtains, and my wife...she goes wild!

A Missionary went to what he thought was an totally uninhabited island. He discovered that there were indeed people there, but the inhabitants of the island knew nothing of civilized culture.

The missionary decided that it would be in the natives best interest if he could teach them about civilization. He created small schools in huts and taught the natives how to read and write and do mathmetics.

He would take the natives one by one around the island, and teach them the correct words for objects that they would see. One day, the Missionary is walking around the island with one of the natives.

They walk past a tree. The Missionary points and says to the native, "Tree".

The native repeats, "Tree".

They continue further and come to a bush. The Missionary points to it and says, "Bush".

The native repeats the word, "Bush".

They walk around the bush - and lying on the ground behind it, is a native couple whoopi. The Missionary hopes that the native won't ask about it, but he does.

The native asks - "What is that? What are they doing?"

And the Missionary, looking for a quick answer replies, "Riding a bicycle. Those two people are riding a bicycle!" Instantly, the native pulls out his poison dart gun and kills the couple in the midst of their sexual act.

The Missionary is incredulous. Angered, he asks, "Here I am trying to teach you to be civilized and you kill two people! WHY did you kill those two people?! I told you that they were riding a bicycle!"

The native answers, "Him riding MY bicycle!"

A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews.

The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full." The Jewish lady said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies." The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town..."

Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said, "I'll have you know I converted to your religion."

The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"

Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."

"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."

Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born in a manger."

"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"

Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a room for the night!"

How many French farmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ Three. Farmer #1 goes away and gets a new lightbulb. Farmer #2 notices that it has been imported from Britain and promptly sets fire to it, so farmer #1 has to go and get another one, and then farmer #3 changes it.

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.

- Oy, Abraham, I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse.

- Ssh! It's not till next week.