Ethnic — most viewed jokes

Why aren't Hindu and Chinese people allowed to play hockey?
→ Because everytime they go into the corner they open up a convienent store.

Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
→ It did $100 million worth of improvements.

Why did the mexicans fight so hard for the alamo?
→ They wanted 4 clean walls to spray paint.

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green,... I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?"

How does every ethnic joke start?
→ By looking over your shoulder.

How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
→ When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.

• 60: Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
• 50: Miami residents turn on the heat
• 40: You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming
• 35: Italian cars don't start
• 32: Water freezes
• 30: You plan your vacation to Australia
• 25: Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
• 20: Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South
• 15: French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
• 10: You need jumper cables to get the car going
• 5: American cars don't start
• 0: Alaskans put on T-shirts
• -10: German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
• -15: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist
• -20: Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start
• -25: Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get the driver going
• -30: You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start
• -40: Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, Your car helps you plan your trip South
• -50: Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window
• -80: Hell freezes over, Polar bears move South
• -90: Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, "Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?"

Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains?
→ So they know where to stop shaving.

This small Latino man walks into a bar, sits, and orders a beer. A big man comes in, taps him on his shoulder, and says, "You're sitting in my seat!"

The same Spanish man ignores him and orders another beer. The man again taps him on his shoulder, and tells him he's sitting in his seat.

The same Spanish man gets up, leans over the seat, and says. "I don't see your name on it."

He sits down again and orders still another beer. "The man says... I know Karate!"

The small Latino man says, "I know JUDO! JU DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE A GUN! JU DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE A KNIFE!"