How Cold Is Cold

- 60: Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)

- 50: Miami residents turn on the heat

- 40: You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming

- 35: Italian cars don't start

- 32: Water freezes

- 30: You plan your vacation to Australia

- 25: Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming

- 20: Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South

- 15: French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

- 10: You need jumper cables to get the car going

- 5: American cars don't start

- 0: Alaskans put on T-shirts

- -10: German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink

- -15: You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist

- -20: Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start

- -25: Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get the driver going

- -30: You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start

- -40: Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, Your car helps you plan your trip South

- -50: Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window

- -80: Hell freezes over, Polar bears move South

- -90: Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets