Ethnic — most viewed jokes

Once Santa Claus went to Ethiopia, to give the children some words of confort.

He was there, with all those bony kids all around, and then they started yelling: "WE WANT TOYS!! WE WANT TOYS!!!"

But then Santa, remembering his important job of orientating children to behave well, said: "A child who doesn't eat right doesn't get toys!!!"

Why are the Japanese so smart?
→ They don't have any blondes.

One day wee jordy was out walking with his lass in the fields of scotland, while walking through the heather the lass says; "ah wee jordy i can tell you want to hold my hand!"

Wee jordy says "aye lass that i do, but how can you tell?"

Well she says "i can tell by the gleam in your eye."

Walking along a bit further she says to him "wee jordy i can tell you want to give me a kiss."

"well I lass that i do, but how can you tell?"

"ah wee jordy, i can tell by the gleam in your eye!"

Walking along a bit further she says "wee jordy i can tell you want to make love to me." He says, "aye lass that i do! you can tell by the gleam in my eye!"

"No!" she says... "by the tilt in your kilt!"

What nationality are you if you're going to the bathroom?
→ European

And what nationality are you if someone's knocking on the door while you're going?
→ You're a Russian.

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday.
He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"
She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce." He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that much."

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written ", , . Two with meatballs, one without."

What do you call a gay Jewish person?
→ A He-Blew!

What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
→ Retardo.

Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
→ You only have to teach them to take off!

An American, a Jew and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well, " said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Jew and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Jew was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his!"