Dumb Jokes — most viewed jokes

A Polak went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box that is two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?"

"Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but what would you want a box like that for?"

"Well, you see," said the Polak, "my neighbor moved away and forgot some things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. Started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts."

Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, "I'll take the Polak!"

What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill?
→ They stop delivering.

A Blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The Blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day.. we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The Blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the Blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the Blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the Blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the Blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

How do you kill a dumb blonde?
→ Put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of her pool.

1. Spend all day at a fast food restaurant, seeing how long it will take until your free refills cost money.
2. If paged, wait until midnight to answer the call.
3. Construct an elaborate display of ropes in your backyard and tell your neighbors that you're a "spider person."
4. When attending a movie you've already seen, yell out: "Don't let him in! He's the killer!"
5. When buying a goldfish at a pet store, ask the salesperson how often you should walk it.
6. When in a crowded elevator, say loudly: "I hope I fixed it this time."
7. Beep when a large person backs up.
8. Look around suspiciously in public and tell onlookers about the "little men."
9. Insist on making inanimate objects "dance."
10. Occasionally talk into your hand in public.
11. Carry a duffel bag onto an elevator, wait until it's full, then ask if anyone knows how to disarm a bomb in less than 19 seconds.
12. When stopped at a traffic light during rush hour, claw desperately at the roof of the car.
13. Insist that someone accompany you to the public rest room because of Henry, the toilet monster.
14. While carpooling, make swervy turns while imitating crash noises.
15. Insist that life is "one big musical," then try to prove your theory by randomly breaking out into song in public.

Three women were being held in a foreign country. They were slated for the firing squad.

The commander yells, "Ready...
Aim..." and the brunette yells "Earthquake!!!"

Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the brunette escapes.

The commander then tells his soldiers to get up. "Ready...
Aim..." and the redhead yells "Tornado!!!"

Immediately the soldiers fall to the ground and in the confusion the redhead escapes.

The commander then yells to his soldiers to get up. "Ready...
Aim..." and the blonde yells "Fire!!!"

One Russian and one Polish workman were digging the foundations for a new road. After several hours of hard toil, the Polish guy hits his shovel on something hard in the ground.

Both men work hurriedly to dig the object out and discover that its a treasure chest. On opening it they find jewels, coins, gold etc. beyond their wildest dreams. Both are wild with happiness and dance around madly.

When they have calmed down, the Russian takes the Polish workman's hand and ernestly says "Sir, we will share this just like Russian - Polish comrades should" and the Polish guy says, "Oh no, 50 - 50"!

What is the definition of gross ignorance?
→ 144 blondes.