Random joke from this category
- Student: Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?
- Computer Teacher: In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I don't think we could do that.
Why did the internit paint his computer screen in little black and white squares?
→ He wanted to check his e-mail.
If Thinking Machines made toasters...
You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.
A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs.
"The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!"
The employee was a little confused and didn't know what to say. He finally asked her to describe the cup holder to him...he'd never heard of his company selling in-computer cup holders.
So the lady went on to describe the cup holder to him. "Well, it pops out of the little box when I push a button, and it has 40x written on it..."
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
Songs to program by...
Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Guru MacKenzie
Typing the lines of a program that no one will run;
Isn't it fun?
Look at him working,
Munching some chips as he waits for the code to compile;
It takes a while...
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Eleanor Rigby
Crashes the system and loses 6 hours of work;
Feels like a jerk.
Guru MacKenzie
Wiping the crumbs off the keys as he types in the code;
Nothing will load.
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX plans
For nobody.
Knows the blocksize from du(1)
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn't he a bit like you
And me?
UNIX Man, please listen(2)
My lpd(8) is missin'
UNIX Man
The wo-o-o-orld is at(1) your command.
He's as wise as he can be
Uses lex and yacc and C
UNIX Man, can you help me
At all?
UNIX Man, don't worry
Test with time(1), don't hurry
UNIX Man
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned.
He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX plans
For nobody ...
Making all his UNIX plans
For nobody.
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.
Something in the way it fails,
Defies the algorithm's logic!
Something in the way it coredumps...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this problem somehow
Somewhere in the memory I know,
A pointer's got to be corrupted.
Stepping in the debugger will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'm too close to leave it now
You're asking me can this code go?
I don't know, I don't know...
What sequence causes it to blow?
I don't know, I don't know...
Something in the initializing code?
And all I have to do is think of it!
Something in the listing will show me...
I don't want to leave it now
I'll fix this tonight I vow!
Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?
→ Because it was on old croc.
PROOF THAT BILL GATES IS THE ANTICHRIST
Conversion to ASCII values:
MS-DOS 6.21 77 83 45 68 79 83 32 54 46 50 49 = 666
WINDOWS95 87 73 78 68 79 87 83 57 53 1 = 666
SYSTEM 7.0 83 89 83 84 69 77 32 55 46 48 = 666
Coincidence? I think not!
The real name of the Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
3
666!!!!
An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.
He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it."
About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."
Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "120." So the robot started talking about the superbowl, dirt bikes, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."
A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "80."
The robot then said, "So, how are things in Poland these days?"
