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Why You Need Insurance by Justin Case

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Mayberry, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?" asked the investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

A minister was asked by a politician, "Name something the government can do to help the church."

The minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills."

How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company?
→ He was shocked.

If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have?
→ Someone else's coat.

The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The Japanese team had six people rowing and one person steering and rowing; the American team had two people rowing and five people steering.

After a year of study and thousands spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared again the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure for the Americans was: one quality assurance manager, two steering managers, one area steering managers, and a new performance review manager for the two people rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

That year, the Japanese won by TWO miles !!!

Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rowers for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.

There was once a high-powered businessman who insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a tall one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand, and a very small one for adding footnotes.

Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later!

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
→ Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

A businessman was in Japan to make a presentation to the Toyota motor people. Needless to say, this was an especially important deal, and it was imperative that he make the best possible impression.

On the morning of the presentation he awoke to find himself passing gas, in large volumes, with the unpleasant characteristic of sounding like "HONDA." The man was besides himself. Every few minutes "HONDA", "HONDA"....

Unable to stop this aberrant behavior, and in desperate need to terminate these odious and rather embarrassing emissions, he sought a physicians aid. After a full examination, the doctor told him that there was nothing inherently wrong with him and that he would just have to wait it out.

Being unwilling to accept this state of affairs he visited a second and then a third doctor all of whom told him the same thing. Finally one medic suggested that he visit a dentist. Well, although he could not see how a dentist was going to be of any help, he visited one anyway.

Lo and behold, the dentist said, "Ah, there's the problem!"

"What is it?" the man asked.

"Why you have an abscess," said the dentist.

"An abscess? How could that be causing my problem?" asked the man.

"That's easy," replied the dentist. "Why everyone knows... Abscess makes the fart go Honda!" (peeeeeeeeyeeeeeeeeew...hahahahahah)