Blonde Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why did the blonde tip toe past the medicine cabinet?
→ So she wouldn't wake up the Sleeping Pills.

What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear?
→ A wind tunnel!

Be careful never to let a blonde have a coffee break... It takes too long to retrain her afterwards!

When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath to make me more attractive." The milkman replied, "Oh, OK. Pasteurized?" The blonde looked at the milkman with a confused look on her face and said...

"No. Just up to my boobs."

Two blonde robbers were robbing a hotel.

- I hear sirens. Jump! said the first one.

- But we're on the 13th floor! said the second one.

- This is no time to be superstitious, the first one screamed back.

Why did the blonde have a sore belly button?
→ Her boyfriend was also blonde.

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine. Her boyfriend looks over and hears her screaming at the machine...

"You're a dumb-looking button!" "You don't have much of a future, either!" "You're going to be replaced by a much better looking button!" "I've got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!"

Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the fuss is about.

"What in the heck are you doing?" her boyfriend asks.

The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that reads... "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".

If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be used to create new words that describe them:

• Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
• Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
• Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
• Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
• Bimbag - a blonde's purse
• Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
• Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
• Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
• Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
• Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
• Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
• Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
• Bimboette - a young blonde
• Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
• Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
• Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
• Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
• Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
• Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
• Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
• Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear smarter than she actually is
• Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall

Why can't the blonde put in a light bulb?
→ She kept breaking them with the hammer.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."