Random joke from this category
Dum and Dummer were roughing in a house when Dummer sees Dum throwing away half the nails.
"Hold it!", says Dummer.
"Why are you throwing all those nails away?"
"Because.", says Dum. "The heads are on the wrong end."
"You dummy!", replies Dummer.
"Those are for the other side of the house!"
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our own problems." "Since we're all professionals," another suggests, "why don't we hear each other out right now?"
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can." The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me." The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."
- Reporter: What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend?
- Boy Hero: I had to do it. He had my skates on.
What kind of drugs are mail carriers not tested for?
→ SPEED!
This executive was interviewing a nervous young blonde women for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
Things You'd Love to Say at Work!
The male sexual organ requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons:
Request DENIED for the following reasons:
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
"Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Why are Gorillas underpaid?
→ They're willing to work peanuts!
If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these:
