Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

Why does a dog lick his balls?
→ Because he can't make a fist.

Some vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?"
"Yes," replied Dracula, "have lots of giraffes."

How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ Two. But I have no idea how they get in there.

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.

Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.

"Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..."

"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.

"What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

- I took my son to the zoo yesterday.

- Really, did they accept him?

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

What reads and lives in an apple?
→ A bookworm!

What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
→ Sir!

What can an elephant with a machine gun call you?
→ Anything he likes!

What do you call an elephant that's small and pink?
→ A failure!

What is stronger an elephant or a snail?
→ A snail, because it carries it's house, an elephant just carries its trunk!

What do you give an elephant with big feet?
→ Plenty of room!

Tarzan was tired when he came home.
"What have you been doing", asked Jane.
"Chasing a herd of elephants on vines"
"Really?", said Jane. "I thought elephants stayed on the ground!"

What would happen if an elephant sat in front of you at the movies?
→ You would miss most of the film!

What steps would you take if you were being chased by an elephant?
→ Big ones!

What do you find in an elephants graveyard?
→ Elephantoms!

Why do elephants have wrinkly ankes?
→ Because their shoes are too tight!

Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
→ In a hog cabin!

What is the slowest racehorse in the world?
→ A clotheshorse!

Why do pigs never recover from illness?
→ Because you have to kill them before you cure them!

What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous driving?
→ A road hog!

What do you call sheep that live together?
→ Pen friends!

What do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?
→ An egg!

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
→ Udder nonsense!

What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
→ Use a cowculator!

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
→ 'Dad, dad, look what marma-laid'!

What's a cows favorite vegetable?
→ A cowat!

- Fred: Did I ever tell you about the time I came face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

- Bert: No, what happened?

- Fred: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla looked at me and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came closer and closer . . .

- Bert: What did you do?

- Fred: Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.