Animal Jokes — most viewed jokes

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Rottweiler: Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...
Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.
Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old?
→ Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.

- Why do pigs run into trees?

- To shake out the alligators.

- I've never seen an alligator in a tree.

- That's because the pigs do such a good job.

Why do pigs have flat snouts?
→ From running in to trees.

What do you call a pig who overacts?
→ A ham ham.

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.
The younger guy says to the old man:

- Watcha got in the sack?

The old man responds:

- I got some monkeys in that there sack.

The younger man asks:

- If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?

The old man replies:

- Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!

- Every time I tell my English Setter to stop barking, it never does!

- What does it do?

- It just stands on its back two legs and quotes Shakespeare!

- What?

- Yeah, it says:

- To bark or not to bark that is the question! and keeps on barking!

What looks like a dog, sounds like a dog, eats like a dog, but isn't a dog?
→ A pup.

One day there was a blonde riding a horse. The horse kept going faster and faster until the blonde fell off, with her foot getting stuck in the stirrup. Hearing her screams for help, finally a Wal-Mart clerk came over and turned off the merry-go-round.

What's another name for a clever duck?
→ A wise quacker!