Most viewed jokes

How would you get four reindeer in a car?
→ Two in the front and two in the back!

And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
→ Take the reindeer out first

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke?
→ This one will sleigh you!

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
→ A bear faced lyre!

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman:

- I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini.

The giant nodded.

- If I had some chains - the deputy continued.

- you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.

- I can't get out of these - the giant growled.

- Are you sure? - the deputy asked.

The fellow tried again.

- Nope - he replied.

- I can't do it.

- In that case - said the deputy.

- you're under arrest.

Farmer Jones bought a herd of pigs from a Roman farmer who moved into the next valley and boy, is he sorry.
The hogs won't come to the feed trough unless he calls them in Pig Latin.

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car. A cloud of feathers.

Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said:

- I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him.

- Suit yourself - the farmer replied - you can go join the other chickens that are around the back.

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.

- Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage? - she asked.

- No, thanks - replied the vultures.

- They're carrion.

If necessity is the mother of invention, why does so much unnecessary stuff get invented?

Who has a long nose, wears a mask, and sits tall in the saddle?
→ The Lone Aardvark!

Over the weekend, Steve bought a new car. He was so excited about it that he had to take a picture of it to bring to work with him to show everyone. The picture was a Polaroid snapshot of his wife sitting in one of the front seats.

Steve crowed as he showed the picture to co-worker Jim:

- It's got power steering, anti-lock brakes, cruise control and a driver's side air bag.

Jim squinted at the picture. Having never seen Steve's wife before, he asked:

- Who's that?

- Oh, - said Steve with a grin, - another feature, my passenger-side wind bag!