Most viewed jokes

What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?
→ I don't know but it would slow him down.

Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
→ Moses. Because he broke all 10 commandments; at once.

Once there was a church that had a bell that no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.

- Congregation - the priest said before the assembled masses.

- Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell.

A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year-old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening:

- A police car has just called at the Hamiltons' house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex.

Hearing this, the boy's parents shot bolt upright.

- How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?

- Because their kid is standing on the balcony too.

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said:

- My wife was reading a 'Tale of Two Cities' and she gave birth to twins.

- That's funny - the second man remarked - my wife was reading 'The Three Musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets.

The third man shouted:

- Good God, I have to rush home!

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed:

- When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!!!

Once upon a time there were five apples
Which was the cowboy?
→ None - because they were all redskins.

Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
→ They find bookkeeping too exciting.

Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

The perfect man, the perfect woman, and Santa Claus are in a car driving down the road and there is a fatal accident. There in only one survivor. Who is it?
→ The perfect woman - Santa Claus is made up and there's no such thing as the perfect man!

If your wife comes out of the kitchen and starts complaining, what does that mean?
→ Her chain is to long!