Most viewed jokes

- Waitress, the portions are getting smaller.

- It's just an optical illusion. It's just that the restaurant has been enlarged.

Are shellfish warm?
→ No they're clammy!

What does a squid sheriff form?
→ An octoposse!

Why did the skunk buy four boxes of tissues?
→ Because he had a stinking cold!

Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard:

- Now, what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front? - she asked Johnny.

After a moment's reflection, Johnny said:

- Canoe?

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Two Irish friends greeted each other while waiting their turn at the bank window.

- This reminds me of Finnegan - remarked one.

- What about Finnegan? - inquired the other.

- 'Tis a story that Finnegan died, and when he greeted St. Peter, he said:

- It's a fine job you've had here for a long time.

- Well, Finnegan - said St. Peter - here we count a million years as a minute and a million dollars as a cent.

- Ah! - said Finnegan - I'm needing cash. Lend me a cent.

- Sure - said St. Peter - just wait a minute.

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
→ Because it was always running out of the pen.

How many aardvarks can ride on an elephant?
→ Six... three on the back and three in the trunk!

The problem with physicists is that they tend to cheat in order to get results.

The problem with mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy problems in order to get results.

The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to cheat at toy problems in order to get results.