Most viewed jokes

- And how did you find your steak sir?

- Well, quite accidentally. I moved this tomato slice and there it was

Mama bear to Papa bear:

- Well... You might call it hibernating -- I call it 'goofing off'.

What does an octopus wear on a cold day?
→ A coat of arms!

Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere?
→ Yak the Ripper

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job.

- Okay - the sheriff drawled.

- Gomer, what is 1 and 1?

- 11 - he replied.

The sheriff thought to himself:

- That's not what I meant, but he's right.

- What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?

- Today and tomorrow.

He was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

- Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted:

- I don't know.

- Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?

So, Gomer wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant.

- It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Joan of Arc Barbie ...comes with stake, kindling, and matches

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Barbie Brain in a Jar ...an empty jar

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him:

- I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.

- But how do you know when you are going to land? - he was asked.

- I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground - he answered.

- But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground? - he was again asked.

He quickly answered:

- Oh, the dog's leash goes slack.

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.

This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said:

- Guess who?

The controller switched the field lights off and replied:

- Guess where!

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says:

- Want to hear an accountant joke?

The guy next to him replies:

- Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?

The first guy says:

- No, I don't want to have to explain it two times.