Most viewed jokes

- Waiter, what is this creepy-crawly doing in my salad?

- Not him again, he's in here every night!

- Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!

- Sorry sir, maybe I've forgotten it when I removed the other three.

What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond?
→ He had him newt-ered.

What happens when sharks take their clothes off?
→ They go sharkers!

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:

- Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

- No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

- Officer, who provided this description?

- The officer who responded to the scene.

- A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

- Yes sir, with my life.

- With your life? Let me ask you this then officer - do you have a locker room in the police station - a room where you change your clothes in preparation for you daily duties?

- Yes sir, we do.

- And do you have a locker in that room?

- Yes sir, I do.

- And do you have a lock on your locker?

- Yes sir.

- Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those same officers?

- You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.

So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says:

- You're going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There's a bass player named 'Mingus' and a pianist named 'Monk', and any day now we expect this 'Blakey' guy to show up with his drums.

- Wow! - the guy says.

- I never imagined heaven would be this good.

The man in the robe says:

- This is hell, not heaven. There's a girl singer.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Manic-Depressive Barbie ...with a set of Oriental throwing knives

An airplane pilot dies at the controls.

He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arrived' area.

There are three doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The devil tells the pilot that he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil has to take care of something first, and disappears.

The curious pilot looks behind door number one. He sees a pilot going through flight checks for all eternity. He looks behind door number two, and he sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve emergency situations. He looks behind the last door, and sees a Captain being waited on hand and foot by scantily-clad stewardesses.

The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position.

He offers the pilot a choice of door number one or two. The pilot says:

- I wanted door number three!

- Sorry - replies the devil.

- that's 'flight attendant's hell'.

What do you call an aardvark astronaut?
→ A starredvark!

Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game?
→ It was a cup draw!