Most viewed jokes

- Waiter, I found a hair in my turtle soup.

- How about that! The turtle and the hare finally got together.

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.

He stopped the car and asked:

- Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?

- That it is, - Irish Mike replied grimly, - ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.

- You mean you pinched his honor? - asked Pat.

- How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume? - demanded Mike.

- Well, - mused Pat, - there's a lesson in this somewhere.

- That there is, - replied Irish Mike.... - 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.

- Teacher: Look at the state of the school computer. I want that screen cleaned so I can see my face in it!

- Pupil: But then it will crack and we won't be able to use it at all.

A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said that it ''could not find the printer.'' The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printer but his computer still could not 'see' the printer.

What do you get if you cross a constable with a computer?
→ PC Plod.

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says:

- You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees.

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says:

- You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others:

- Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says:

- You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!

How do salespeople traditionally greet each other?
→ Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you.

Where would you put an injured insect ?
→ In an antbulance !

God made oceans, God made lakes,
God made NSYNC but hey, we all make mistakes!!!!

A grasshopper walks into a bar and says:

- Bartender, give me a drink.

The bartender can't believe his eyes and says:

- Oh my Gosh, I can't believe this, you're a talking grasshopper!

- Do you know we have drink named after you?

The Grasshopper replies:

- You have a drink named Steve?