Most viewed jokes

What did one flea say to the other flea?
→ Shall we walk or take a dog?

The Pope died and went to heaven. When he got there, he found a lawyer in line in front of him at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter came over and told the Pope:

- Just a minute, I'll be right back.

At that, Saint Peter took the lawyer away.

When Saint Peter came back, he told the Pope:

- Follow me to your new quarters.

Along the way they passed many people in their heavenly abodes, and they happened to pass by the quarters of the lawyer who had preceded Saint Peter through the Pearly Gates. The Pope was awe-struck by the opulence and splendor of the lawyer's quarters. There were fine silks, rare foods and drinks, soft music, and attractive young women to serve him for eternity.

Saint Peter and the Pope finally arrived at the Pope's new quarters. The Pope looked in and saw a 6 foot by 9 foot room with bare walls, a plain bed and a Bible for entertainment. The Pope said:

- I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I am wondering why the lawyer gets such a magnificent room and I get this small room.

Saint Peter said:

- Well, you see, we have a great many popes here in heaven, but only ONE lawyer.

What did the hurricane say to the other hurricane?
→ I have my eye on you.

What's the difference between 'weather' and 'climate'?
→ You can't 'weather' a tree, but you can 'climate'!

How do you catch King Kong?
→ Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.

What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards?
→ He ate himself!

What do you get if you cross a snake with a hotdog?
→ A fangfurther.

Why are fish in the sea smarter than animals on land.
→ Because they travel in schools.

Why don't Blondes use vibrators anymore?
→ Because they keep chipping their teeth !!!

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

- Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night.

- Have you tried counting sheep?

- That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.