Most viewed jokes

yo mama is so stupid when she asked me what kind of jeans am i wearing i said Guess and she said Levis.

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.

What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
→ A witch in soggy trainers.

One lab mouse to another:

- I've trained that crazy human at last.

- How have you done that?

- I don't know how, but every time I run through that maze and ring the bell, he gives me a piece of cheese.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Have you ever seen a duchess?
→ Yes - it's the same as an English "s"

Three best friends are at the corner bar on a Friday night as usual. One of them is an Italian, one is Black and the other is Jewish.

They are sitting around drinking some beers, and they make a wager. They bet who can make love to their wife and make her scream the longest. They agree to return next week and compare.

Next week, they all arrive at the bar at the usual time with smiles on their faces. The Italian guy says:

- I definitely won. I took my wife out to dinner, bought her roses, then took her home and made love to her. She screamed for an hour.

The black guy says:

- Man, that's nothin'. I cooked dinner for my wife, and for dessert I poured honey all over her and made love to her like never before. She screamed for two hours.

The Jewish guy chimes in:

- I got you both beat. I made love to my wife for 3 minutes, pulled out, then wiped my schmeckel on the curtain. She's still screaming!

This guy comes home from work and when he walks into his bedroom, he finds his wife in bed with 3 other men that he works with.

He says:

- hello hello hello

And the wife says:

- what, aren't you talking to me!

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said:

- Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.

The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied:

- I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab, I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.