Guest
Clever Husbands
- Novice: Do clever men make good husbands?
- Sage: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!
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Guest
Sentencing Hearing
The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.
The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, especially since she had been so "matter-of-fact" about the whole thing all during the trial.
He began:
- Mrs. Roth, was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband?
- Well... yeah... I guess... - she replied.
- And when was that? - pressed the attorney.
- Well... - she replied.
- when he asked for his third cup.
Guest
Sagittarian Quarter Turn
How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
→ A whole bunch: I can only keep them in the room long enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn apiece.
Guest
Two Thermometers
What did the thermometer say to the other thermometer?
→ You make my temperature rise.
Guest
Backstroking Fly
- Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
- Um, looks to me to be backstroke, sir
Guest
Unplug The Power Cord
An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.
He told her to:
- Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it.
About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.
Guest
Reading Orang-utang
One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape:
- Why are you reading both those books?
- Well, - said the orang-utang, - I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother.
Guest
Stallion And Mare Wedding
A stallion and a mare where due to get married, but the stallion didn't show up at the church.
He got colt feet
Face Of A Saint
- Fred: You have the face of a saint.
- Jill: Really? Which one?
- Fred: A Saint Bernard.
Guest
Packers Versus Vikings
Why did the Packers tear up the end zone after a Vikings Game?
→ There was too much "Moss" in it!