Most viewed jokes

Three guys are in a Cessna. The first drops a penny out the window. The second drops a pencil and the third a bomb. When the plane lands, the first guy goes to see where the penny landed. He sees a guy swearing and trying to get a penny out of his forehead. The second sees a girl holding her dog who has a pencil through his head. The third guy sees a guy laughing his head off. He asks, "Why are you laughing?" The guy says, "I was cooking on my BBQ when I farted..." "What's so funny about that?" "It blew my neighbor's house apart!"

The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties:

- After all, dear - she said to her husband - you wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?

- No - her husband replied.

- Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile:

- I gladdened seven hearts today.

- Seven hearts? - asks the friend.

- How did you do that?

The rabbi strokes his beard and replies:

- I performed three marriages.

The friend looks at him quizically.

- Seven? - he asks.

- I could understand six, but...

- What do you think - says the rabbi - that I do this for free?

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked:

- What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again.

- Well, uh, yes, it is. - replied Carol.

- I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.

- Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do - said the teacher - but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in.

- Oh, but that won't work - said Carol, looking even sadder.

- You see, the plane was hijacked.

YO MAMA SO STUPID WHEN THEY SAID THAT IT IS CHILLY OUTSIDE, SHE WENT OUTSIDE WITH A BOWL AND A SPOON.

How did a Blonde try to kill a bird ??
→ She through it out of the window !!

At a U.N. meeting the American ambassador turned to the Japanese ambassador and whispered, "When was your last election?" The Japanese ambassador turned bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast."

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up.

Roberts looks around and asks:

- Now, who is going to tell the wife?

They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is.

- Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me.

Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants.

Rippington says:

- Your husband just lost $500 playing cards.

She hollers:

- TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!

Rippington says:

- I'll tell him.

In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a particular passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"

What do you call a man with his right hand in a sharks mouth?
→ Lefty.