- That's an excellent essay for someone your age - said the English teacher.
- How about for someone my Mum's age, Miss?
- Welcome to school, Simon - said the nursery school teacher to the new boy.
- How old are you?
- I'm not old - said Simon.
- I'm nearly new.
Miss Jones agreed to be interviewed by Fred for the school magazine.
- How old are you, ma'am? - asked Fred.
- I'm not going to tell you that - she replied.
- But Mr Hill the technical teacher and Mr Hill the geography teacher told me how old they were.
- Oh well - said Miss Jones.
- I'm the same age as both of them.
The poor teacher was not happy when she saw what Fred wrote:
Miss Jones, our English teacher, confided in me that she was as old as the Hills.
- Now remember, boys and girls - said the science teacher.
- you can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year.
Fred went home for tea and found a chocolate roll on the table.
- I'm not eating that, Mum! - she said.
- It's five years old.
- Grandma: You've left all your crusts, Fred. When I was your age I ate every one.
- Fred: Do you still like crusts, Grandma?
- Grandma: Yes, I do.
- Fred: Well, you can have mine.
- How old is your wife?
- Approaching forty.
- From which direction?
An eminent old man was being interviewed, and was asked if it was correct that he had just celebrated his ninety-ninth birthday.
- That's right - said the old man.
- Ninety-nine years old, and I haven't an enemy in the world. They're all dead.
- Well, sir - said the interviewer.
- I hope very much to have the honour of interviewing you on your hundredth birthday.
The old man looked at the young man closely, and said:
- I can't see why you shouldn't. You look fit and healthy to me!
