Most viewed jokes

A bird dropped a snake over a California power station, short-circuiting a line and causing a two-hour blackout.

A Creighton University (Nebraska) Law School senior, told she wouldn't graduate because of a failing grade on a final exam, sued her professor, claiming he flunked her because she is "politically incorrect."

Biloxi, Mississippi, jurors acquitted a woman of drug charges, then passed the hat to collect $55 to pay her bus fare home to Texas.

A man allegedly held up 18 New York businesses after casing the places while filling out job or rental applications. The spree ended after he accidentally signed his real name on one of the forms, police said.

Harlan County, Nebraska, Assessor Floyd Schippert was unopposed in the Democratic primary, and just to be sure, he entered -- and won -- the Republican primary also.

Willie Turner wasn't running for the Dendron, Virginia, Town Council. He didn't even vote. But he won with five write-in votes.

A Hollywood, California man is accused of renting cars, selling them, then stealing them back for return to the rental companies.

Corpus Christi, Texas, police said it was a hit-and-gallop accident: A man crashed his truck into the back of a car, then fled on the horse he was pulling in the trailer.

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.

- I was in that new restaurant across the street - said one.

- It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole place shines.

- Please - said the other roach frowning.

- Not while I'm eating!

- Did I tell you I had this woman pounding on my door all night last night?

- Yeah, I finally let her out!

- 17: 17

- 25: 25

- 35: 35

- 48: 48

- 66: 66

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for... It is about time you became informed!

- A - Almost Boobs...

- B - Barely there.

- C - Can't Complain!

- D - Damn!

- DD - Double damn!

- E - Enormous!

- G - GEEEEzus Christ!

- F - Fake.

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy named "Clint", and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to Clint:

- You going to die. But we sorry for you, so give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of third day, you die. What is first wish?

Clint says, "I want to see my horse." The Indians get his horse. Clint grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with Clint.

The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."

The second day, the chief says:

- What your wish today?

Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. Clint leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the Clint. The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die tomorrow and can only think of one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This your last wish, white man. What you want?" Clint says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse.

Clint grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells:

- Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!

What did Louis Farrakahn say to Mike Tyson after the fight?
→ No stupid an Eye for an Eye!!!!

Tyson's psychologist told Mike to take a year off, he obviously misunderstood....good thing he didn't say two!

Tyson's favorite football team-the Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS. For the third fight between Mike and Evander, Tyson wants it to be held in Earie, PA.

New Tyson burger: There is a piece of the champ in every bite!!!

They are making a new boxing term for Tyson....instead of KO, it will be a Van Gogh. "Evander was Van Gogh'd in the third!!!"

Can't beat um...

Eat um!!!!

If Tyson fights Golatta, is it more points for a low blow or an ear bite?

In this corner Evander "the Real Meal" Holyfield!!!!!!!

Before the fight, Mike's trainer told him to get a piece of Holyfied. Oops, bad advice.

Iron BITE Tyson, the heavyweight CHOMP of the world!

What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
→ Gifted!

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

- Sid, asked Al - are there any Jews in China?

- I don't know - Sid replied.

- Why don't we ask the waiter?

When the waiter came by, Al asked him:

- Are there any Chinese Jews?

- I don't know sir, let me ask - the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said:

- No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.

- Are you sure? - Al asked.

- I will check again, sir - the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said:

- I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere.

When the waiter returned he said:

- Sir, no Chinese Jews.

- Are you really sure? - Al asked again.

- I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.

- Sir, I ask everyone - the waiter replied exasperated.

- We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews.

From Harper's Magazine:
Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75