Most viewed jokes

This is a passenger announcement. The train on platform one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven and twelve has come insideways.

How is a man like a snow fall?
→ You never know how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Why do they call it PMS?
→ Mad Cow disease was already taken.

The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods hunting together when suddenly a voluptuous blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude.

- Would I love to eat that? Oui, oui! - the Frenchman said, smacking his lips.

So the Italian shot her.

Yo mamma is so fat, she went in the elevator, and when she pressed up, it went down.

Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling much better since his operation, but couldn't account for the enormous bump on the back of his head.

- Oh, that, - chuckled Mrs. Horntoot.

- Just before your operation they suddenly ran out of ether!

A guy walks into his doctor and says:

- Doc, you gotta help me, I can't remember anything!

The doc asks:

- How long have you had this problem?

The guy says:

- What problem?

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful, he began to cry.

A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit.

Miraculously the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road. 50 yards away the rabbit stopped, turned around, waved and hopped down the road, another 50 yards, turned, waved and hopped another 50 yards.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what substance could be in the woman's spray can!! He ran over to the woman and asked, "What is in your spray can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said:

- Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave.

What do you call a man that marries another man?
→ A minister

The young widow was kneeling at her husband's grave tending to the weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt. She smiled and said "Easy sweetheart, you're dead now ya know."