Most viewed jokes

Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
→ Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
→ One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter that was single.

One day he decides to throw a huge party, during the party he announces:

- My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give 1 million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!

As soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large splash! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all his might, the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed.

The millionaire was impressed, he said:

- My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain, which do you want my daughter or the 1 million dollars?

The guy says:

- Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!

You know you've been married too long when a "Quickie" before dinner now means a drink.

Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months.

The only other thing on the island was the tall coconut tree, that provided them their food. Each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree, to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree:

- Wow! I can't believe my eyes! I don't believe this is true!

The lawyer on the ground was skeptical and said:

- I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now.

So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just seen a naked blonde woman floating face up headed toward their island.

The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But, within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, totally unconscious.

The two lawyers went over to her and one said to the other:

- You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman. It's been a long time...do you think we should....you know..... screw her?

The other lawyer glanced down at the totally naked woman and asked...:

- Out of what?

What sort of perfume do snakes prefer?
→ Poison by Christian Dior!

What's a snakes favourite dance?
→ Snake, rattle & roll!

What is a snakes favourite opera?
→ Wriggletto!

- Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?

- Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines!

What language do the Vatican Police speak?
→ Pig Latin!