Most viewed jokes

A dentist friend of mine had a T-shirt which said on the front: Let me put my tool in your mouth... and on the back: ...and I will fill your cavity.

A man and woman are riding up in an elevator.

The man looks at the woman and says:

- Can I smell your pussy?

She replies:

- Hell no!

The man says:

- Well, it must be your feet then.

What band is a cow favorite?
→ Moody Blues

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.

- Oh, about $200 today - said the rancher.

- But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out.

The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.

- Here - he said, is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now.

The Japenese Way of Death by Harri Kirri

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
→ She fell out of the tree.

One day 2 blondes decided to drive to Disney Land. When they saw a sign that said 'Disney Land left' they turned around and went home.

There was this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. After he didn't move for a half-an-hour, this big trouble-making truck driver stepped up right next to him, took the drink from the guy, and just drank it all down.

The poor man started crying. The truck driver turned and said:

- Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying.

- No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late for an important meeting. My boss became outraged and then fired me.

When I left the building to my car, I found out that it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I then got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.

I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home depressed and came to this bar. And now, when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, YOU show up and drink my poison ...

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. The nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again.

This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the side, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much.

So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said........

- Not very freakin' strong tonight, are you Batman!

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup.

- How's your sex life? - the doctor asked.

- Pretty good - the man said, to the doctor's relief.

But then he added:

- I've had some strange side effects.

- What's that? - the doctor asked anxiously.

- Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!