Most viewed jokes

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a light bulb?
→ "How many do you think it takes?"

- Doctor, doctor, I keep trying to get into fights.

- And how long have you had this complaint?

- Who wants to know?

Why is it dangerous to let your man's mind wander?
→ It's too little to be out alone.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God:

- Lord, I have a problem!

- What's the problem, Eve?

- Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.

- Why is that, Eve? - came the reply from above.

- Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples.

- Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.

- What's a 'man', Lord?

- This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.

- Sounds great - says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

- Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.

- What's that, Lord?

- You'll have to let him believe that I made him first.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
→ Close the door.

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?
→ A power failure.

His girlfriend returned all his letters.
I bet she marked them "second class male!"

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Chris

- Chris who?

- Chrisco'll do you proud everytime!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bing

- Bing who?

- Bing down the house!

- Judge: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?

- Witness: She is my daughter.

- Judge: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?