Guest
Leaving The Table
- Little monster: Mom, I've finished. Can I leave the table?
- Mommy monster: Yes, I'll save it for your supper.
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Guest
The Wood Chopper
The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.
As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.
He looked at the first young man and asked:
- Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?
The young man looks at him and says:
- I'm a pilot!
The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says:
- Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!
The aide hustles the young man off.
The general looks at the second young man and asked:
- What skills to you bring to the Air Force?
The young man says:
- I chop wood!
- Son - the general replies.
- we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?
- I chop wood!
- Young man - huffs the general.
- you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!
- Well - the young man says.
- you hired my brother!
- Of course we did - says the general.
- he's a pilot!
The young man rolls his eyes and says:
- So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!
Guest
Carrot In My Ear
- Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear.
- Amazing! So you have.
- How could that have happened?
- I can't understand it either, because I planted cabbage!
Guest
Psychologists And Light Bulbs
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. The light bulb will change itself when it's ready.
Guest
Small Bucket
- Doctor, doctor, I feel like a small bucket.
- You do look a little pail.
Real Men And Light Bulbs
How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?
→ None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
Guest
Changing Lawyers
Changing lawyers is like moving to a different deck chair on the Titantic.
Guest
Honest Lawyer
What do you call an honest lawyer?
→ An oxymoron.
Guest
Knock Knock Cronkite
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Cronkite
- Cronkite who?
- Cronkite evidence!
Guest
Knock Knock Candace
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Candace
- Candace who?
- Candace with love!