Most viewed jokes

One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself:

- Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not speeding. I'm not drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license dues and everything!

So, she pulled over and the police car pulled over to the side right behind her car. She drove her car slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down the window, and prepared for a ticket when she knew she didn't deserve it. A policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The lady pointed to her ear and shook her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman smiled slightly, and knowing sign language, signed back:

- I know. I'm here to tell you that your horn is stuck.

How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
→ You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

MRS MONSTER TO MR MONSTER: Try to be nice to my mother when she visits us this weekend, dear. Fall down when she hits you.

On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says:

- I hope this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound.

- Why? - replies the cabin steward.

- Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why.

- Husband: What do you love most, my natural beauty or my body?

- Wife: Your sense of humor.

How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
→ Other lawyers look interested.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bush

- Bush who?

- Bush your money where your mouth is!

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bark

- Bark who?

- Bark you car on the drive!

What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day?
→ Turns over a new leaf!

A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters.
Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly.
The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc.

Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them.

- No, not that one - shouts the surviving hunter.

- That's the female.

- The Czech is in the male.