Most viewed jokes

What are your two favourite times to party?
→ Daytime and night-time!

For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him:

- W'atcha do with the money, son?

- Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy! - answered the boy.

- Yew dumb ignoramous! - yelled his father.

- Yew should 'av bought yoreself a rifle!

- A rifle? What fer?

- Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife - explained the older redneck.

- W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?

- Teacher: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?

- Johnny: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.

- Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir? - he says.

The man goes into the bar and the bartender says:

- What'll it be?

The man replies:

- Give me a Stoli with a twist.

The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says:

- Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . .

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says:

- Mike, you wait here, I'm going to run in for confession, it's been a long time.

Pat enters the confessional and says:

- Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman.

The priest asks:

- was it Mrs Murphy?

- no, Father - was the reply.

- Was it Mrs O'Boyle?

Again the reply was:

- No, Father.

- Was it Mrs. O'Grady?

Pat said:

- Father, I'll not be teling you the lady's name!

So the priest told him to say two Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman.

Back on the street, Mike said:

- Well, how did you do?

Pat said:

- Just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects!

What's a rabbits' favorite dance?
→ The bunny hop.

What world athletic sporting event is held every four years?
→ The Olympigs!

What did the pig say when the wolf grabbed her tail?
→ That's the end of me!

Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother's day?
What did they do?
→ They threw a sowprize party.

- Son: Where are the Himalayas?

- Father: If you'd put things away, you'd know where to find them.