A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like:
- We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said:
- I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!
- First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out.
- Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!
What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?
→ The bogeyman.
How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
→ Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding?
→ Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.
A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office.
- Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news? - the lawyer asked.
- Give me the bad news first.
- Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars.
- That's the bad news? - the man asked incredulously.
- I can't wait to hear the terrible news.
- It's of you and your mistress.
Miles Dobson was away from home on business in another city. When he called home, his wife told him:
- Miles, they had your name in the obits today.
- What! In the obituary column! That's not only disgraceful but bad journalism. I'll sue 'em.
- Tell me, Miles - his wife asked tremulously - wh...wh...where are you calling from?
What do you call a proton with big hair?
→ A 'froton.
What's the difference between an angler and a dunce?
→ One baits his hooks while the other hates his books.
Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains?
→ So they know where to stop shaving.
