Most viewed jokes

When was the longest day in the Bible?
→ The day Adam was created because there was no Eve.

A police officer stopped a young man for speeding. He stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window:

- What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy.

The young man handed over his license.

Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said:

- Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?

The young man replied:

- Well sir, I'm a juggler.

The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said:

- A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!

The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said:

- You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you.

The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.

Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.

When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said:

- Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!

Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden?
→ We're raising mashed potatoes.

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

- Teddy, - he called:

- how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

- That's better, - said his father.

- Now will you always come down stairs like that?

- Suits me, - said Teddy.

- I slid down the bannister.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Bumbry

- Bumbry who?

- Bumbry tuna!

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.

Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

What did the Eskimo children sing when their principal was leaving?
→ Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
→ Somebody dropped a shekel.

- Boy: You've got a face like a million dollars.

- Girl: Have I really?

- Boy: Yes - it's green and wrinkly.

As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked:

- Have you just gotten out of prison?

- Yeah - the guy replied.

- How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have sex from the rear?

- Partly - She said.

- But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'