Most viewed jokes

Rome Meeting

A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein:

- Tell me, Becky, have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?

- No - said Mrs Finkelstein.

- I haven't. What's going on in Rome?

- A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things, decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus.

Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows.

- Indeed? And who is responsible, then?

- I'm not sure - said Mrs. Moskowitz.

- I think they suspect the Puerto Ricans.

Blonde Detective Trainees

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The first blonde answers:

- That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!

The policeman says:

- Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE.

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her:

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says:

- Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!

The policeman angrily responds:

- What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks:

- This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds:

- ...think hard before giving me a stupid answer.

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says:

- Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses.

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

- Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

- Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?

- That's easy - the blonde replied.

- He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

My Beeeeemer

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.

When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

- Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!! - he whined.

- You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!! - retorted the officer.

- You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!

- Oh no! - replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.

- Where's my Rolex???!!!

Superstitious Robbers

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said:

- I hear sirens. Jump!

The second one said:

- But we're on the 13th floor!

The first one screamed back:

- This is no time to be superstitious.

Three Couples At The Gates

St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if they qualify for admittance to heaven.

- Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates? - he asks one of the men, who had been a butler.

- I was a good father - he answers.

- Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No admittance.

St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and asked him the same question.

The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken good care of his family.

But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a woman named BonBon.

At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood up and said:

- Come on, Penny, let's get out of here.

Biggest Fish

- What's the biggest fish you ever caught?

- That would be the one that measured fourteen inches....

- That's not so big!

- Between the eyes?